While we were in bumper to bumper traffic:
WickedStepMom: I am so tired of snow.
Bear: Really? I thought you liked snow.
WickedStepMom: I usually do, but these people… They make me so mad.
Bear: So, you don’t dislike snow. You just hate people. You won’t have to seasonally change your club stationary, if you just hate people.
WickedStepMom: Isn’t having an “I Hate People” club kind of hypocritical?
Today, I am going to present to you a list of things that you should never google search:
1. Open Septorhinoplasty: Especially if you need to have this done. It is not a good idea. Google loves to give you helpful pictures.
2. Dick’s Sporting Goods: There is a chain sports store called Dick’s. It is never a good idea to google this.
3. Slow Computer: Chances are really good that your computer will end up with a virus if you click on any of the links.
4. How to kill your stepmom: This one is just mean… Seriously.
It’s not you… it’s Amazon. They made a Kindle app for the PC. It’s not the I am neglecting you, I just love my Kindle more. I will see you in a few months. Please make sure you don’t leave your dirty socks in the living room and that your dishes make it to the sink.
(P. S. Please read this with the sarcasm that it is dripping with.)
It’s Tuesday again. I know, I am as surprised as you are. I mean, when are these things, like once a week now? Go see Keely for a badge and some laughs.
* The Tyrant was trying to describe someone to me the other day. She said, “She is old. Not like really old like Daddy, but just a little old… like you.” You are the source of my gray hairs kid!
* I made Bear a cherry chip cake with chocolate icing. He is still losing weight. I have gained 2 lbs. Jerk…
* Working out everyday with the Wii Fit has its advantages. I can smugly look down my nose at those who do not exercise. (Alright, fine, I may have to smugly look up… But, I can still be smug!) I feel all proud of myself until they switch trainers on me and the bendy pretzel chick takes over… I hate her on general principles.
* Sometimes, I forget that the Tribe is unique. We are all pretty close knit and have a bunch of inside jokes. Sometimes, we will just tell each other one so we can get a laugh. In mixed company (non-Tribe members), we get some pretty funny looks. It wasn’t until Bear’s sister in law said to me, “I am so jealous that you guys are so close!” that it really hit home how unique we are.
* Final random thought, the new phrase to be banned from our house is “rubbing it in my face.” Bear declared it a swear word last weekend and threated to rub someone’s face in soap. I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard.
It’s that time again. It is time to get all of your randomness, spew it out in some sort of coherent sentences and send it to Keely. She will probably not love and treasure it but she will atleast let you put your site in Mr. Linky, who will love you no matter what you did last night.
* The Wii Fit finally yelled at Bear! It said to him yesterday, “Have you seen [The Mother Hen] around? Per haps you should pay more attention to her.” I laughed until I cried.
* The Tyrant has said on numerous occasions that people “rub things in her face.” While I believed her, I never actually witnessed it happening until this weekend. The scene is my aunt’s driveway. The issue, both The Mother Hen and The Tyrant want to ride in the front seat.
The Mother Hen: Move, [The Tyrant], I am riding in front.
The Tyrant: It’s my turn.
The Mother Hen: I will get squished.
WickedStepMom: Both of you just get in the car.
The Tyrant gets in the back.
The Mother Hen: Ha! See, I told you! You are too, young and I will get squished.
WickedStepMom: Don’t worry, [The Tyrant], she has no problem sitting back there with her boyfriend. She will not sure this excuse again. Also, when we get home, The Mother Hen and I are going to have a little chat.
The Tyrant: Okay, [WickedStepMom], I know you will fix it. Thanks.
The Tyrant knew that her sister was going to get into trouble but didn’t taunt her about it. Part of me expected her to, especially after the way she was taunted. I am very proud of her for the way that she handled it.
* The Tyrant and The Show have been competing on the Wii Fit. It’s pretty funny to watch them both fight for a high score. About once a day, The Tyrant will shout and jump up and down yelling, “I won! I won!” Considering that there is a 4 year age difference this is a pretty big deal. The Show always congratulates her.
We have all heard them. Many of us have even said them. Those disparaging little comments about ourselves that we say when we think no one is paying attention.
”I am too fat.”
”I am too short.”
”My nose is too big.”
“My hair is too curly.”
“My butt is too big.”
These are the words that I fear most. I fear them because I don’t want the girls to say them. I try really hard not to make them about myself. I try even harder to bust them when they say these things about themselves. I fear that they will think this is an acceptable and normal thing to do.
I fear that their confidence will rely solely on thier outer beauty. If they judge their self-worth by how others view their outer beauty, I will feel like I failed as a parent. This is my biggest fear.
The Show: “You owe me a penny! You bet me that there is no Sweet Home Alabama in this song.”
The Mother Hen: “No, I said that this song is not named Sweet Home Alabama.”
The Show: “You did not! You owe me a penny!”
The Tyrant: “Look, I will give you both a penny if you be quiet.”
Go see Keely, who has managed to write an entire RTT post without the mention of gnomes. Because she is creative and funny, unlike me. Don’t worry, I will still love you if you think she is funnier than I am.
* My parents got the Tribe a Wii and the Wii Fit. The Wii fit has been used by Bear, The Mother Hen and I quite frequently lately. My calves absolutely hate me for it. This game has only reinforced what I already know about my self. I have no rthyme and no balance. Watching me try to work out to the Basic Step routine has provided hours of entertainment for everyone in our house.
* A spider was hanging out in my shower the other morning. Now, I am not normally an “EWW BUG!!” kind of girl. But this spider really stared to bug me. I can only assume it was because the spider was able to see me naked and I know that I am horribly out shape (see calve comment above…) I felt like that spider was judging me. I wanted to scream, “Hey pal, I know we can’t all be 3 ounces!” That makes me a little crazy, doesn’t it…
* The Gnome that has taken up residence in my sinuses, has decided to lay eggs. All of my sinuses are effected now, instead of just the right side. I look like I have two black eyes. It will be another month before I can see a sinus specialist, so you are stuck listening to me whine until then… Hopefully, there will be no surgery involved.
* The day after Christmas, I was looking at our tree. It is a white tree decorated with blue ornaments. It has stars, stockings, icicles and various globes that came from a multipack. We have had these for about three years. But the day after Christmas, I noticed for the first time that the stars are all Stars of David. Now, I am wondering if I should send my Stars to the Keeper Family for their tree.
By now, I am sure that most of you heard about the attempted terror attack at Detroit Metro Airport. The last time that plans were used, it was in far off New York. This time, it happened in our own backyard. I drive past that airport every day on the way to work. I remember driving past it in the days that followed Sept 11th. All of the planes were on the ground and there was no familiar rush of jet engines over head.
Now, I wonder if that noise of a plane about to land will scare me every time I look up. I wonder if my children will be afraid to fly. Then I remember, that is exactly what they want. They want us scared. So, I won’t be. Even if they are in my backyard, I won’t be scared. We will fight back.
* The Gnome that has moved into my sinuses has gotten very comfy in there. He just won’t leave. Maybe the ENT doc will find a way to get him out. If not, I think it will turn into nuclear warfare… and that just won’t be good for society as a whole. I mean, who wants nuclear winter over my sinuses?… Yeah, I didn’t think that you did. So, you’re welcome. But if this goes on too much longer, it is on, Mr. Gnome!
* Bear e-mailed me this morning. This is what he wrote:
[Bear's REALLY Annoying Co-Worker]~ said I was too “chipper” this morning and suggested that “If I didn’t know better, you got lucky!” I said luck had nothing to do with it…killing two homeless people with one shot is SKILL.
He didn’t laugh.
~Name changed to be more appropriate this his given name.
* Bear, like my mother, has a very defined set of taste buds. He does not like to deviate from the normal. (And he wonders why I can’t get The Tyrant to eat another other than tacos…) I told him that I was going to take The Mother Hen out for some mediterranean food.
Bear: You hate peas!
WickedStepMom: Chickpeas are different!
Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that stay home and watch chick flicks with Hugh Grant in them.
WickedStepMom: They taste different…
Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that “WANT TO BE HELD!”
(Can you see why I love him? He is seriously awesome and can always make me laugh.)
* The Mother Hen has a new boyfriend. He is an okay guy. The Show and The Tyrant like him, which is saying a lot. But, I just can’t seem to let my guard down. I think it is because I have seen boys make The Mother Hen cry. Stupid, stinky boys…
*The Tyrant looked at me this weekend, with daggers in her eyes. I wouldn’t let her have a new toy at the store (partly because I had already bought her stuff and partly because there has to be something under the tree). She stomped her foot and said, “Mommy is nicer than you.” I grinned, “She is also taller.” She just blinked at me.
* The Show is really excited about cheerleading. In order to make the varsity team, she needs to learn to do a back walk over. I have no idea how to do this, so I suggested she look up how to do it on YouTube. This was a bad, bad suggestion…