A blast from the past

Posted On December 15, 2008

Filed under life, self

Comments Dropped 6 responses

A little while ago, I learned that my ex was re-married and has a step-son.  When I told Bear and some of my close friends, they all wanted to know if I was okay.  I think part of it was that the woman he married was someone that caused problems early in our relationship.  I think another part of it was they really thought that it would hurt my feelings.  I appreciated their concern for me, but honestly, I felt nothing. The woman that he married was someone that he dated for a while in high school.  She was around a lot in the beginning of our relationship and often spent time with his mother, even in the later parts of our marriage.  At one point, I even asked my best friend if he thought that my ex was cheating on me with this woman.

At first, I was thinking that I was feeling nothing because of shock.  I thought that if I gave it a few days, things would set in and I would have feelings to deal with.  But it has been a few weeks and still I don’t really feel anything.  Relief is about all I can feel about it.  Relief that he won’t come back into my world out of the blue and demand something of me.  In the very beginning of my divorce and my life shortly after it, I thought that he might.  I was haunted by the idea because I really thought that he would show up just to cause trouble.   After a few months, things settled down in my life and I stopped worrying about it.  I was a lot stronger after being away from him for so long and day by day I was getting stronger still.  Back to the real me, and who I am suppose to be.  I always thought that if he did show up, I was strong enough to handle it. But, when I heard that he was re-married, I let it go.

Today, it was brought up in conversation.  The person I was talking to said “Sometimes, I wonder about him and his new family.  I worry about that kid, because I know what he was like.”  I guess I never really thought about that part of it.  Is he treating his new wife and son the way he treated me?  Is he treating them better because he learned something?  Was he only like that because it was me?  And honestly, I still can’t bring myself to care that much about his new wife and son.  It may be bitterness but I don’t really think so.  I also know I have a limited amount of energy.  I guess I feel that it is not worth the energy that I have.  I would rather use my energy to lift someone up then worry about some child I have never met.  If I were a better person, maybe I would worry about this child and the starving children around the world.  But, that is not who I am.  I worry about the people I care about and let the rest fall where it may.


6 Responses to “A blast from the past”

  1. Sprite's Keeper

    Caring and compassion should always begin at home and radiate out from there. You’re completely right to feel that way.

  2. Tricia

    It’s wonderful that you no longer have feelings about him, or that you feel threatened by him. When I found out my ex was in a new relationship and then consequently had two children, I was freaked. He was abusive to me, and for a variety of reason, I believed he would sexually abuse a child given the opportunity. I was so, so torn about what to do, and how to do it, but the situation took care of itself in a way. He died. I think we each have a responsibility to a larger community, but I don’t have the answers, that’s for sure.

  3. Casey

    I’m glad you’re over him, the dude sounds like an ass. I have a similar ex who would always reappear in my life any time I tried to move on. This went on for years, and I kept getting involved with him again. When I started dating my husband, I put my foot down and refused to even talk to my ex. It took forever to get over him, but Jamie helped me do it and I rarely ever think about the guy anymore. I heard that he’s got a daughter Graham’s age. I was relieve to hear that he’d finally moved on, and glad that it wasn’t ME who he started a family with. I love my new life and my old one was miserable.

  4. Sammanthia

    You sound so much happier in your marriage now, I’m happy that things eventually worked out for you. There’s only so much worrying you can do, save your worry for your family, hopefully she’ll come to realize what you did… he’s not worth it.

  5. Captain Dumbass

    You have to worry about you and yours first, that doesn’t make you less compassionate.

  6. goodfather

    Your attitude sounds perfect, and I’m so glad you only feel relief. I agree with CDA – your compassion is intact, and correctly placed.

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