I resolve

Posted On January 2, 2009

Filed under self, The Spin Cycle

Comments Dropped 10 responses

I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions.  Mostly because 95% of these never work out for people.  I mean, I think people resolve to do things without any real planning or desire to do them.  It just makes them feel good for a little while because they plan to do something.  So, in that spirit, here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Grow 2 inches vertically. –  I know it sounds like a lot but, I think if I really put my mind to it, I can do it.  I mean, this will prevent my pants from dragging on the ground and save me millions in having to buy new pants because I have worn the bottom hem out.  I am just a tinsy bit too tall for petites but too short for average.  So, if I grow 2 inches, my problem will be solved!

2. E-mail less. – I know this is going to be hard to do because, well, e-mailing is part of my job.  So, I think I am going to just stop reading work e-mails.  That will cut my e-mail by 3/4 at least!

3. Give up food allergies. – I haven’t figured out how I am going to do this yet, but I want a hamburger!  A real hamburger and pepperoni!

4. Hire a housekeeper. – I am a cluttering monster.  So, I will hire someone to pick up after me.  I think this will work out well.  I can give someone a job and keep everything in order…

5. Invent a teleporting machine. – I hate traffic.  I hate finding a parking spot and I hate having to buy gas. (It is cheaper now, but it won’t last.)  So, I am going to teleport everywhere I go.  It will save time and money and me from about 10 tension headaches a year!

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10 Responses to “I resolve”

  1. Sprite's Keeper

    Best. Resolutions. Ever!
    You’re linked!

  2. goodfather

    Awesome. Please teleport me some cookies when the machine is done. I love cookies. 😀

  3. halfasgoodasyou

    Some of those could actually be pulled off, no? Maybe we could stretch you so you gain those two inches. And I say go for the housekeeper, it’s so worth it.

  4. mrsbear

    lol. Let me know if you discover the secret to vertical growth past adulthood, I could use some extra inches, I get sick and tired of searching for the short pants.

  5. Captain Dumbass

    I’m going to need a job come September so I’ll be your maid. Totally not wearing the French skirt though… well, unless the money’s good.

    Teleporter? Think how much easier life would be. You could work anywhere. Live somewhere you can actually afford. Why didn’t they every use the transporters to help deliver babies on Star Trek?

  6. Mocha Dad

    If you figure out the teleporter thing, I will be a big financial backer.

  7. Tricia

    Can I borrow your list?

  8. kellicarnahanphotography

    Hey, I found your blog some how and love it! I am also a new step-mom…it is hard!

    http://briankelliharper.blogspot.com/

  9. HeatherPride

    We must be about the same height because this weekend I caught a full-length view of myself in the museum glass, and my pants looked too short. I hate being in the middle of petite and regular-people height. I suppose I could take up wearing heels full time but even then the regular length tends to trail on the floor. AAARRRGGHHH!! Curses!

    Also, totally hear you on the hamburger. I went vegetarian for a year and the ONLY meat I craved was a cheeseburger. Not bacon, or biscuits and gravy, but a dang cheeseburger.

  10. movindowntheroad

    totally cute. I have no resolutions but am just getting back to that “to do” list that I keep knocking things off of and adding more to. And continue to be the best person I can possibly be in life. To know who I am and express it

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