Was it a Mistake?

Posted On April 30, 2009

Filed under life, self, The Spin Cycle

Comments Dropped 8 responses

While it is not something that I think about often, for some reason, it has been on my mind a lot lately.  I have been thinking about my relationship with my ex-husband.  The relationship started when I was 17 and I think that it is on my mind because The Mother Hen is dating.  And she is just about the age I was when I started dating him.  She seems as head over heels as I was.  So, I worry for her.

The whole situation started slowly.  I think if it would have been as bad as it was in the end, as it was in the beginning, I would have never let things go far.  In the beginning, we got together with a group of friends every week.  They were mostly my friends but he brought his best friend along too.  As time went on, it started being less and less of my friends and more of his.  Finally, it ended up being only his friends.  He started isolating me from my family too.  In part, I think because I trusted him too much and in part because I wanted to believe he loved me.  I found out too late that he didn’t.

But was it a mistake?  I think it would be a mistake if I stayed.  It will be a mistake if I do nothing if I see that it is happening to someone else.  I don’t think it was a mistake though.  I doubt I would have the strength that I have today if I hadn’t lived through it.  I don’t think that I would be who I am.  I don’t think I would have even started writing again.  I don’t think that I could appreciate Bear as much as I do.  But most importantly, I don’t think I would appreciate myself as much.

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Stories That Need to Be told Part 5: He is not good enough for you if…

The other day, I was having a conversation with a mother of a teenager.  Her story really hit home.  She was talking about her 17 year old daughter who broke up with her boyfriend the night before.  She was so proud of her for doing it because she was miserable for a long time.  Her boyfriend did a lot of questionable, controlling things.  He is trying to make her feel guilt about breaking up with him.

The title to this post could just as easily be, she is not good enough for you if…  But because The Mother Hen is dating and The Show is not too far from the dating age, it is what it is.  Also, because I was in a bad relationship, I feel the need to list a few warning signs. So, without further ado:

He is not good enough for you if…

  • He makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to spend time with him. – Maybe, you had a bad day and don’t want to be around people.  Maybe, you just want some time to relax.  But, you had no plans with him and he is making you feel guilty because you don’t want to spend time together.
  • You have to argue with him any time that you want to spend some time with your friends.  – He is jealous of your gal friends and guy friends.  He tells you that he doesn’t want you to spend time with them.  (This is not the same as him having a problem with a specific friend. But, use caution if he has a problem with your best friend.)
  • He orders for you at a restaurant (and it is the cheapest thing on the menu.) – This is not to say that if he knows what you want because you told him and had to run to the ladies room. This is when he talks over you when the wait-staff asks you what you would like. 
  • He treats customer service people like servants. – If he treats strangers poorly, how do you think he will treat you?  Chances are, after a while, he will get comfortable with you and start trying to order you around too.
  • He grips hard or is rough when “play” fighting.–   We all do it.  We play fight and grip too tight on accident.  But, I am talking about consistently do it and not apologizing for it.  It is more important for him to show he is stronger and better than you then the flirting that is play fighting.
  • He tells you that he doesn’t trust you, with words or actions. – Even if you did something that is not trust worthy, this is dangerous behaviour.  It is especially dangerous if you haven’t done anything to lose his trust. This is a very controlling behaviour because he can guilt you into doing things based on the idea that you are trying to earn his trust.
  • He makes you feel worse about yourself. – A boyfriend should almost always make you feel better about yourself.  He should compliment you and work well with you.  You should not feel like less but like a partner or equal. 

I wish that when I was 17 I would have had someone who I would have listened to present me with this list.  I just hope that you take it to heart and know that this list comes from experience and not because I don’t like whomever you are dating personally.  I wish I would have listened to my friends and my parents.  I wish I would have listened to those little warning signs going off in my own head.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Dropping like Flies!!

Bear has been suffering for the last few days for what seems like a sinus infection.  However, I have had way too much fun asking him if he grown a snout yet and if he will start oinking soon.  (If you have no idea why we are finding this hilarious, you have been living under a rock.  And I suggest you stock pile groceries for the next oinking apocalypse.) His doctor is booked solid from the fears of rabid curly tailed cannibalistic viruses being spread, so he is taking a chance and going to the urgent care.  I hope he comes back with both his kidneys.

The Show’s first track meet was yesterday.  We drove to the school to see her.  She was to do the long jump and the 400 meter.  She had severe cramps in her legs so she bowed out at the last minute.  We got her some water, I think she was dehydrated but she still didn’t compete.  While we were watching though, two kids vomited and one kid twisted an ankle.  It was hot and humid and I don’t think the kids have gotten the conditioning that they need. 

The Mother Hen has had a string of bad luck lately.  She has burned herself, cut herself shaving, gotten a splinter, slammed a door on her finger and fell down the stairs.  So, this morning, I told her to be careful and she raised a eyebrow at me.  She told me that she thinks she is cursed.  Cursed, probably not.  Too busy thinking about the boyfriend to pay attention, definitely. 

So far, The Tyrant and I are the only healthy ones.  I am going to encourage her to mock the rest of the them mercilessly.  But, I don’t think she will require much encouragement.  She did help me oink at Bear when he first started showing symptoms.

Hopefully we will all be in one piece by next Tuesday!!

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All of my nagging finally paid off…  Steenky Bee posted for Beautiful Like Me.  Stop by and check it out when you have a few minutes.  And don’t forget to work on your post for May 4th – What features/qualities would we like today’s children to see as beautiful?

Jail Keeper

This weekend was beautiful.  Gorgeous weather, blues skies, sunshine and all the happiness that is spring.  But we were in the house, Bear and I were the jail keepers.  Every single one of the girls was in trouble at one point over the weekend.  It started on Friday with The Mother Hen.  She was late coming home, by over an hour.  The Tyrant was being sassy, in a bad way.  And The Show was retaliating to the sass.

I felt like all weekend long, I was stopping a fight or backing up Bear when he was doling out punishments.  I almost felt like a toddler that only can say the word “no.”  I can’t help but wonder if something was in the water…  Because, while they have their sibling rivalry and other issues, they haven’t been this misbehaved before.  Bear, of course, took this all in stride.  He never even looked flustered.  (I am not sure how he does it… and I am more than a little jealous!)

Saturday morning, I was relating the story of how The Mother Hen got in trouble to my mother.  She laughed, hard.  “I remember those days…  Sounds like your brother,” she said.  I hope I survive the teenage years so that one day, I can laugh about this too. 

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We are still accepting posts for Beautiful Like Me, round 2.  What do today’s children and teens feel pressured to imitate?  Why? Just leave a comment here, at Tricia’s or Amy’s place.

Miss Manners?

Lately, I have noticed that people are extremely rude and getting ruder.  People will be talking on their cell phones on dates, in doctors’ offices, and even public restrooms.  People will cut you off in traffic and then give you a filthy look.  People will knock you over and not even say anything.  This is becoming normal.

I miss manners.  I miss them a lot.  People use to hold doors open and smile as you walked by.  Now, they scowl and slam doors in your face.  What happened?  When did it become acceptable to not give a damn about your fellow human beings?  Is it something with the more recent generations or am I missing something?

People also think it is acceptable for others to not have manners.  There is a store near us that Bear and I don’t shop at because the people are rude.  I was discussing this store with someone today.  She shruged when I said that people are rude at the store.  “I am just rude right back,” was how she explained it to me.  To me, if I am going to a store to spend money, the least the workers at the store could be is polite.  Now, I am not talking about one rude person, I am talking about all of the employees being jerks.  If they are rude, I won’t shop there. 

What about you…  Do you miss manners?

Random Tuesday Thoughts: [Insert Title Here]

Posted On April 21, 2009

Filed under family, funny quotes, parenting, self, The Show

Comments Dropped 11 responses

Its Random, Its Tuesday… you know the drill…

* The strangest thing said over the weekend was…  “[The Show], get that goat out of the sun roof.”  I laughed until I cried.

* Craig’s List is getting a lot of bad press lately.  I don’t understand it.  What is wrong with a website where you can buy human kidneys.

* I have a new found respect for my parents who had to put up with their teen daughter dating.  Its scary!

* I can walk!  Well, mostly… I still have a lot of balance to re-gain but at least I can move on my own.

* Yesterday, I was asked if I was a computer geek by a little old lady.  When I told her that I was, she said “You are a very cute computer geek.”  That made me smile.

* Some wars are meant to be fought.  Some things are worth fighting for.  Sometimes, it is more important to not quit.

“Beware the sleeping dragon. For when she awakes the Earth will shake.” Winston Churchill

We are awake.

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