Stories That Need to Be told Part 5: He is not good enough for you if…

The other day, I was having a conversation with a mother of a teenager.  Her story really hit home.  She was talking about her 17 year old daughter who broke up with her boyfriend the night before.  She was so proud of her for doing it because she was miserable for a long time.  Her boyfriend did a lot of questionable, controlling things.  He is trying to make her feel guilt about breaking up with him.

The title to this post could just as easily be, she is not good enough for you if…  But because The Mother Hen is dating and The Show is not too far from the dating age, it is what it is.  Also, because I was in a bad relationship, I feel the need to list a few warning signs. So, without further ado:

He is not good enough for you if…

  • He makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to spend time with him. – Maybe, you had a bad day and don’t want to be around people.  Maybe, you just want some time to relax.  But, you had no plans with him and he is making you feel guilty because you don’t want to spend time together.
  • You have to argue with him any time that you want to spend some time with your friends.  – He is jealous of your gal friends and guy friends.  He tells you that he doesn’t want you to spend time with them.  (This is not the same as him having a problem with a specific friend. But, use caution if he has a problem with your best friend.)
  • He orders for you at a restaurant (and it is the cheapest thing on the menu.) – This is not to say that if he knows what you want because you told him and had to run to the ladies room. This is when he talks over you when the wait-staff asks you what you would like. 
  • He treats customer service people like servants. – If he treats strangers poorly, how do you think he will treat you?  Chances are, after a while, he will get comfortable with you and start trying to order you around too.
  • He grips hard or is rough when “play” fighting.–   We all do it.  We play fight and grip too tight on accident.  But, I am talking about consistently do it and not apologizing for it.  It is more important for him to show he is stronger and better than you then the flirting that is play fighting.
  • He tells you that he doesn’t trust you, with words or actions. – Even if you did something that is not trust worthy, this is dangerous behaviour.  It is especially dangerous if you haven’t done anything to lose his trust. This is a very controlling behaviour because he can guilt you into doing things based on the idea that you are trying to earn his trust.
  • He makes you feel worse about yourself. – A boyfriend should almost always make you feel better about yourself.  He should compliment you and work well with you.  You should not feel like less but like a partner or equal. 

I wish that when I was 17 I would have had someone who I would have listened to present me with this list.  I just hope that you take it to heart and know that this list comes from experience and not because I don’t like whomever you are dating personally.  I wish I would have listened to my friends and my parents.  I wish I would have listened to those little warning signs going off in my own head.

6 Responses to “Stories That Need to Be told Part 5: He is not good enough for you if…”

  1. HeatherPride

    Good advice. I was lucky to have great boyfriends back in the day, but I was so trusting and easily talked into stuff that it could have gone the other way for me. It’s so easy to confuse love and manipulation at that age.

  2. Sprite's Keeper

    I agree completely. Luckily I have never been in a relationship where I had to worry, but those people are out there and the what if’s on this happening to Sprite worry me even now.

  3. Jenny

    This hit home for me. My husband shows alot of the warning signs…not all, but a few. I wish, well, I wish things aren’t the way they are. I love his daughters like they are my own. I don’t want to lose them.
    This is a good list for your girls. And can I share it with other girls (of dating age)that are friends of mine?

  4. Tricia

    This is a fantastic list and I do think it’s really important that we talk to our kids about all of this. We have to help them see the warning signs, but first they have to know what they are, and we have to help them feel confident enough in themselves to take action when they do see signs of someone who’s potentially abusive. Great post!

  5. Casey

    You just described the boyfriend I had when I was a teenager. I wish you could have been around to slap some sense into me back then. Oh, and my college boyfriend too. Ugh. Well, at least I did things right this time around (sounds like you did too!). I’m not sure how we’re supposed to convince our kids not to put up with this kind of crap but I’m going to try my damnedest when the time comes.

  6. Sammanthia

    I’ve dated guys like that before and I’m SO glad I didn’t end up with someone like that. Mark is great… kind of a pain in the butt sometimes (lol) but he’s one of the good ones. It’s sad that there’s not many of them out there anymore.

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