“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.”

Posted On September 18, 2009

Filed under Out of my element, parenting, The Spin Cycle

Comments Dropped 12 responses

Julie De Lespinasse said that.  And I have always thought it was true about hate.  Without passion there is not hate.  But, I have often wondered if it is possible to live without hate.

As a general rule, I don’t like people.  I dislike them passionately.  You could even say that I hate them.  Despite my mistrust of my fellow man, I am trying to make sure that the girls don’t learn to hate people from me.  I really don’t want that for them.  Hating someone is exhausting.  It takes a part of your soul and twists it up.   But how do you teach your kids not to hate when you do?  How do you keep them from those feelings when you have them yourself?  I am not sure that I will ever have an answer to that.  But, I am working on it.  And I will continue to work on it.

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12 Responses to ““You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.””

  1. Sharon

    You know that 30-second delay they have on Live TV programs? It’s a good concept for real life too. Just take a few seconds and think about what you say before you say it. That way, you can hate whomever you want…but you don’t have to spew that hate into your kids’ impressionable minds.

    I try to practice this…but you know, it’s not infallible.

  2. Sprite's Keeper

    Good for you! It’s a good quality to recognize things you don’t like about yourself in order to keep your girls from following the same course. Even if you live with hate, the fact that you know what it is will only help you teach your daughters to react the opposite way. Although sometimes hate can be misdiagnosed when it’s just severe dislike. Is there ever a threshold with hate? You’re linked!

  3. Jamie

    Wow those are some really hard questions….

  4. Captain Dumbass

    Good for you. But we all need a nemesis.

  5. Rachel

    hmmmmm. lying to them I’d say. “Mommy loves evvvvvverybody. And that is why you should not hit your sister! Even though she took that toy. Be like mommy. More love. Yeah.”

    (I came from the Spin Cycle and it’s late.)

  6. Camille

    I’m a little like you—I generally dislike everyone I meet until they finally give me reason to feel otherwise. If they never do? No worries. It’s much better than liking EVERYONE until they give me reason to hate them—much less disappointment that way.

  7. Ellie Belen

    I used to feel that way too. But the negative energy was weighing me down. Now I give people the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, like a waitress or waiter. I assume you will be good and I’ll get good service, so I’m with you at 20 percent. But then things start to go wrong, and the tip slowly drops with each infraction, until I leave my two cents on the table and then I’m gone for good.

    But if you are good to me, I go way above to make you happy too.

  8. ame i.

    Woa! Hey, want to to the DNA swab to see if we were seperated at birth? Nah, too annoying, but I think you are my other me.
    People in general annoy the everloving Hell out of me. I am over-run by either the ones that look through me when I say something to them.. I wouldn’t care so much if they were actually superior to me but the ones I mention are NOT. Now, I can pretend to pretend that Yeah, Plastic Barbie Mom, you are the BEST, but they don’t buy it an get even more angry and dismisive. I assume they are angry. It is hard to tell with a person unable to move their eyebrows.
    The WORSE ones are those who are all Blah Blah Blah at me with boring words they expect me to listen to. After the 5th time hearing how special their average kids are, sorry, I forget to pretend to listen.

  9. Ginger

    I was beginning to think I was the only hater in this bunch. I really do “hate” lots of stuff. I like and admire the fact that you can admit that you feel hate. I think honesty is one of the best qualities you can teach your children. That being said, I also think it is OK to feel passionately about things. Hopefully you love as passionately as you hate and that equals it all out!

  10. Casey

    Great spin and I often wonder the same things. I don’t want my kids to grow up with the same disdain for their fellow human being that I have. I didn’t acquire mine until well into my 20’s so they’ve got some time.

  11. jwoap

    I admit to being jaded and incredibly cynical. Not long ago I entered into therapy. Which I have to say has been good for me and really really hard. It’s never easy looking at those things you don’t like about yourself and then talking about them.

    I applaud you for your honesty. You are a breath of fresh air.

    Your journal is worth reading. I wish my Dad has been concerned about my upbringing as you are about your children.

  12. Keely

    I’d probably hate more stuff, but I’m really REALLY lazy.

    Good for you for recognizing that you don’t want to pass that on. Though I think a few critical thinking skills don’t hurt kids, either 😉

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