Random Tuesday Thoughts: Gnome Eggs

Posted On December 29, 2009

Filed under Bear, life, rant, The Mother Hen

Comments Dropped 6 responses

Go see Keely, who has managed to write an entire RTT post without the mention of gnomes. Because she is creative and funny, unlike me. Don’t worry, I will still love you if you think she is funnier than I am.

* My parents got the Tribe a Wii and the Wii Fit.  The Wii fit has been used by Bear, The Mother Hen and I quite frequently lately.  My calves absolutely hate me for it.  This game has only reinforced what I already know about my self.  I have no rthyme and no balance.  Watching me try to work out to the Basic Step routine has provided hours of entertainment for everyone in our house. 

* A spider was hanging out in my shower the other morning.  Now, I am not normally an “EWW BUG!!” kind of girl.  But this spider really stared to bug me.  I can only assume it was because the spider was able to see me naked and I know that I am horribly out shape (see calve comment above…)   I felt like that spider was judging me.  I wanted to scream, “Hey pal, I know we can’t all be 3 ounces!”  That makes me a little crazy, doesn’t it…

* The Gnome that has taken up residence in my sinuses, has decided to lay eggs.  All of my sinuses are effected now, instead of just the right side.  I look like I have two black eyes.  It will be another month before I can see a sinus specialist, so you are stuck listening to me whine until then…  Hopefully, there will be no surgery involved.

* The day after Christmas, I was looking at our tree.  It is a white tree decorated with blue ornaments.  It has stars, stockings, icicles and various globes that came from a multipack.  We have had these for about three years.  But the day after Christmas, I noticed for the first time that the stars are all Stars of David.  Now, I am wondering if I should send my Stars to the Keeper Family for their tree.

In our backyard

Posted On December 28, 2009

Filed under life, Out of my element

Comments Dropped 2 responses

By now, I am sure that most of you heard about the attempted terror attack at Detroit Metro Airport.  The last time that plans were used, it was in far off New York.  This time, it happened in our own backyard.  I drive past that airport every day on the way to work.  I remember driving past it in the days that followed Sept 11th.  All of the planes were on the ground and there was no familiar rush of jet engines over head. 

Now, I wonder if that noise of a plane about to land will scare me every time I look up.  I wonder if my children will be afraid to fly.  Then I remember, that is exactly what they want.  They want us scared.  So, I won’t be.  Even if they are in my backyard, I won’t be scared.  We will fight back.

Bah Humbug!

Posted On December 23, 2009

Filed under frustration

Comments Dropped 3 responses

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, the Gnome is still in my sinuses


I think I need to seriously consider hiring a gnome exterminator. Maybe Keely will know of a good one. I mean, she does fight those mice so well. 


* I get so tired of people who don’t really give a damn asking me if I am feeling okay.  “My eyes are swollen, my nose is backed up and I am coughing up a lung..  I feel great, thanks for asking!”  I know you are only asking because you don’t want to catch anything, but I assure you, this nose issue is all mine…  And no you will not catch it by talking to me from across the room, jerk! 

* I should tell you all that I have been informed by the proper authorities that this holiday season is not about peace on Earth and happiness.  It is about Nintendo DSs.  And those words have been uttered so many times in my house, I want to threaten that if they don’t play with their DSs 24×7 that they will be grounded from everything else.  Including dinner…  Not that I won’t feed them, just they will have to eat at a different table so that I don’t have to hear Nintendo DS anymore!  (Sorry, got a little ranty there.) 

* The Mother Hen and I can bond just about anytime over anything.  Yesterday, I found out that if you bond with your teenaged daughter by making disparaging comments about stars of reality TV, you are going directly to Hades.  ::sigh::  At least we will be in good company. 

* Did you know it is possible to get a kid to disolve into tears by playing Christmas Carols on the radio?…  Neither did I.

* I was listening to the radio the other day, they were listing off some major events of the last few decades…  Here is what they listed.

– Celebriy deaths

– Tiger Woods’ scandal

– Octomom

And I thought to myself…  REALLY?  What about 9-11, the first non-white president, wars, same-sex marriage, the list goes on…  But the most important things revolve around celebrities.  What is our world coming to?

Only in our house…

The Mother Hen: [WickedStepMom] you have to decorate cookies with us.  You can’t leave that plate sitting over there with a bunch of naked cookies!

WickedStepMom: I made the cookies for your guys to decorate…

The Show: Yeah, but now, there are four plates, and we can’t have a plate of nudist cookies.  It’s just not right!  My entire holiday will be ruined because you have left the cookies naked!

The Tyrant:  Yeah, I mean, you will get our cookies arrested and they will have to spend the night in cookie jail.  I don’t want to eat jail-bird cookies!

Nudist Cookies

Nudist Cookies

The Tyrant than hurried to get the cookies dressed…

Dressed Cookies

Overused, not appreciated!

Posted On December 17, 2009

Filed under family, frustration, The Tribe

Comments Dropped 5 responses

The following is a list of words and phrases that are overused by the girls.  Sometimes, I think that if I hear them one more time, I will seriously lose my mind. 

1. You are being a brat! – This actually means, you are not doing what I want you to do, so therefore you must be a brat.

2. You are/she is being annoying. – Again, this means you are not doing what I want you to do.

3. You are giving me a migraine! – See above.

4. ______ is nicer than you! – Again, see above.

5. This tastes funny.  – In other words, I don’t want to eat it and I am trying to eliminate all possible responses such as statements of “you have liked it just fine before.”

6. That’s not fair! – Roughly translates to, I am not getting my way.

What about you?  What are some overused phrases in your house?

Random Tuesday Thoughts: G’Home Gnome

Its Tuesday.  It’s not So Random. It’s time for me to get some new jokes. Go see Keely…  she is a comedic genius, and I am just a student.

* The Gnome that has moved into my sinuses has gotten very comfy in there.   He just won’t leave.  Maybe the ENT doc will find a way to get him out.  If not, I think it will turn into nuclear warfare… and that just won’t be good for society as a whole.  I mean, who wants nuclear winter over my sinuses?…  Yeah, I didn’t think that you did.  So, you’re welcome.  But if this goes on too much longer, it is on, Mr. Gnome!

* Bear e-mailed me this morning.  This is what he wrote:

[Bear’s REALLY Annoying Co-Worker]~ said I was too “chipper” this morning and suggested that “If I didn’t know better, you got lucky!”  I said luck had nothing to do with it…killing two homeless people with one shot is SKILL. 
He didn’t laugh. 

~Name changed to be more appropriate this his given name.

* Bear, like my mother, has a very defined set of taste buds.  He does not like to deviate from the normal.  (And he wonders why I can’t get The Tyrant to eat another other than tacos…)  I told him that I was going to take The Mother Hen out for some mediterranean food.

Bear: You hate peas!

WickedStepMom: Chickpeas are different!

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that stay home and watch chick flicks with Hugh Grant in them.

WickedStepMom: They taste different…

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that “WANT TO BE HELD!”

(Can you see why I love him?  He is seriously awesome and can always make me laugh.)

* The Mother Hen has a new boyfriend.  He is an okay guy.  The Show and The Tyrant like him, which is saying a lot.  But, I just can’t seem to let my guard down.  I think it is because I have seen boys make The Mother Hen cry.  Stupid, stinky boys…

*The Tyrant looked at me this weekend, with daggers in her eyes.  I wouldn’t let her have a new toy at the store (partly because I had already bought her stuff and partly because there has to be something under the tree).  She stomped her foot and said, “Mommy is nicer than you.”  I grinned, “She is also taller.”  She just blinked at me.

* The Show is really excited about cheerleading.  In order to make the varsity team, she needs to learn to do a back walk over.  I have no idea how to do this, so I suggested she look up how to do it on YouTube.  This was a bad, bad suggestion…

Sibling Gift Shopping

Posted On December 14, 2009

Filed under bonding time, family, parenting, The Tribe

Comments Dropped one response

Every year, the girls are charged with buying for each other.  They start asking if they can go shopping right around  Thanksgiving.  So, this past weekend, we went out shopping.  My mom came along for the first time with us and had a great time.  There is nothing like watching the three of them diving between isles, and hiding from each other. 

All in all, it was a successful trip.  My mom, the ultimate Christmas Ninja, helped me to hid presents from the girls.  She use to be able to buy stuff for me while I was with her without me ever knowing.  I am just a ninja apprentice.  I am just learning how to hid stuff from them, while they are there.  One day, I hope to be as good of a ninja as her.

The Spin Cycle: New Boots

Posted On December 11, 2009

Filed under Bear, The Spin Cycle

Comments Dropped 3 responses

It has become kind of tradition for Bear to get me new boots during the X-mas season.  I love this gift because all winter long, my feet are warm and dry.  This may not seem like a big deal but when you living in Michigan and have questionable health anything that can keep you from getting sick, is the best thing ever.

This year, in addition to my boots, he got me a balaclava.  It’s a neoprene face mask that covers my nose and mouth.  Since the cold air sends me into coughing fits, this thing totally rocks.  I get a warm face and warm breath without the bulkiness of a scarf.  It is really a win-win.

The other day, Bear expressed concern that this was not enough for me.  Some of his coworkers were commenting that woman like “romantic” gifts.  And that she could be buying me jewelry not winter gear.  This guys can take a long walk off a short pier.  I happen to be allergic to most jewelry.  (I know, go figure, right?)  Nothing says romance like hives! 

I told him that I am very happy with my gifts.  To me, keeping me healthy is better than a trinket that I can look at.  It shows me he cares because he make sure that I am safe and warm.  Maybe, I should have held out for organic ice cream?

Parenting Blunder # ??

Okay, so I have lost count of the number of parenting mistakes I have made.  But, this is a pretty good one.  At least, it is an amusing one.

The Setup:

Friday night – I found fruit snack wrappers, empty juice boxes and various other food related trash all over the living room. 

Saturday morning – I found pop corn in the basement, left in a bowl on the floor.  I told The Show she could not have food in the basement anymore.

Saturday afternoon – I found popsicle wrappers and fruit snack wrappers on the floor in the living room. I told The Tyrant no more fruit snacks or popsicles in the living room.

The Crime:

Sunday morning – I found popcorn all over the floor and wrapped up in The Show’s blanket, in the basement.

I shouted, “The Show, get down here and clean up your mess now!”

The Show cames downstairs and said something like, “But, but but..”  I used my firm, you are in trouble voice, “I thought I told you no more popcorn in the basement!  I trusted you not to do it.  And you went behind my back”

The Show burst into tears.  “WickedStepMom, I swear after you told me no food in the basement I didn’t have any.  I know that is my blanket but The Mother Hen was down here last night, not me.”

She was right.  She didn’t have food down there and she was only down there for a few minutes.  I am such a jerk…

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