No Furniture

Posted On March 1, 2010

Filed under bonding time, The Show

Comments Dropped one response

If you look closely, you can see someone has put “NO FURNITURE” on the side of the dumpster.  (That is a couch in the dumpster.)  The Show and I thought this was hysterical.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, I am alive. Mostly

It’s Tuesday again. Grab a badge, share some snarky and go see Keely. Unless you want her to use her mad ninja skills and hunt you down.

* Did you know that celebrities are way more important than we are?  No?  Well, read the news.

* The Tyrant was watching her sisters act like fools the other day.  She placed her head in her palm and shook her head.  With a big sigh, she said, “I MUST be adopted.” 

Sorry, kid, you are not… and you are stuck with them.

* I made deal with the Mother Hen.  Good grades = Supernatural on DVD.  She then asked me how long she had to have the good grades before she got them… 

WickedStepMom: For the semester.

Mother Hen: Crap!

* The Show came to me at 8:15pm at Saturday…

The Show: Can drive me to my friend’s house?

WickedStepMom: When?

The Show: Now?

WickedStepMom: Are you insane?

The Show: What?

WickedStepMom: I am not driving you a 1/2 hour to pick you up 15 minutes later.

The Show: Well, yeah, I was hoping you would let me stay out until midnight.

WickedStepMom: (sighs, nods) Yeah, I thought so.  You are completely insane…

The Show: (Stomps off in a huff.)


The other night, I am making dinner, when my cell phone goes off…

[These are all text messages…]

The Mother Hen: Hey [WickedStepMom]!

WickedStepMom: Yeah?

The Mother Hen: This is not, [The Mother Hen], its [The Show].

WickedStepMom: Oh… hi!

The Show: Whatcha doing?

WickedStepMom: Making dinner.

The Show: Oh…

WickedStepMom: We should skip dinner and just have ice cream.

The Show: No kidding!!  Let’s do it!

WickedStepMom: Okay, you go to the store and buy it, I will wait here.

The Show: Darn it..  I am broke.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: I survived the holidays!

Posted On January 5, 2010

Filed under bonding time, frustration, rant, self

Comments Dropped 8 responses

It’s Tuesday, its not a holiday.  I feel safe again…  Go see Keely for some non-holiday cheer!

* According to the Wii Fit, my account should be cancelled.  Its sites like this that make sure that our teens have no self-esteem.  I hope they are proud of themselves and their plastic surgeons.

* There have been so many holiday parties and craziness going on.  I am so glad that they are over.  I just can’t believe that I actually survived.  Between food allergies and everything else, I normally don’t eat a whole lot during the holiday season.  I usually survive on snack packs of granola that I made for myself before we leave the house.  This year, everyone was really kind and made sure that the food was safe for me to eat.  I ate more holiday food than I have since I was a kid.  I am so sick of it now, I hope I don’t see holiday food for several years!

* We just got Netflix back.  So we will be watching disk 2 of Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends this weekend.  I am looking forward to hunkering down with the kids to watch some silly cartoons.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, the Gnome is still in my sinuses


I think I need to seriously consider hiring a gnome exterminator. Maybe Keely will know of a good one. I mean, she does fight those mice so well. 


* I get so tired of people who don’t really give a damn asking me if I am feeling okay.  “My eyes are swollen, my nose is backed up and I am coughing up a lung..  I feel great, thanks for asking!”  I know you are only asking because you don’t want to catch anything, but I assure you, this nose issue is all mine…  And no you will not catch it by talking to me from across the room, jerk! 

* I should tell you all that I have been informed by the proper authorities that this holiday season is not about peace on Earth and happiness.  It is about Nintendo DSs.  And those words have been uttered so many times in my house, I want to threaten that if they don’t play with their DSs 24×7 that they will be grounded from everything else.  Including dinner…  Not that I won’t feed them, just they will have to eat at a different table so that I don’t have to hear Nintendo DS anymore!  (Sorry, got a little ranty there.) 

* The Mother Hen and I can bond just about anytime over anything.  Yesterday, I found out that if you bond with your teenaged daughter by making disparaging comments about stars of reality TV, you are going directly to Hades.  ::sigh::  At least we will be in good company. 

* Did you know it is possible to get a kid to disolve into tears by playing Christmas Carols on the radio?…  Neither did I.

* I was listening to the radio the other day, they were listing off some major events of the last few decades…  Here is what they listed.

– Celebriy deaths

– Tiger Woods’ scandal

– Octomom

And I thought to myself…  REALLY?  What about 9-11, the first non-white president, wars, same-sex marriage, the list goes on…  But the most important things revolve around celebrities.  What is our world coming to?

Only in our house…

The Mother Hen: [WickedStepMom] you have to decorate cookies with us.  You can’t leave that plate sitting over there with a bunch of naked cookies!

WickedStepMom: I made the cookies for your guys to decorate…

The Show: Yeah, but now, there are four plates, and we can’t have a plate of nudist cookies.  It’s just not right!  My entire holiday will be ruined because you have left the cookies naked!

The Tyrant:  Yeah, I mean, you will get our cookies arrested and they will have to spend the night in cookie jail.  I don’t want to eat jail-bird cookies!

Nudist Cookies

Nudist Cookies

The Tyrant than hurried to get the cookies dressed…

Dressed Cookies

Random Tuesday Thoughts: G’Home Gnome

Its Tuesday.  It’s not So Random. It’s time for me to get some new jokes. Go see Keely…  she is a comedic genius, and I am just a student.

* The Gnome that has moved into my sinuses has gotten very comfy in there.   He just won’t leave.  Maybe the ENT doc will find a way to get him out.  If not, I think it will turn into nuclear warfare… and that just won’t be good for society as a whole.  I mean, who wants nuclear winter over my sinuses?…  Yeah, I didn’t think that you did.  So, you’re welcome.  But if this goes on too much longer, it is on, Mr. Gnome!

* Bear e-mailed me this morning.  This is what he wrote:

[Bear’s REALLY Annoying Co-Worker]~ said I was too “chipper” this morning and suggested that “If I didn’t know better, you got lucky!”  I said luck had nothing to do with it…killing two homeless people with one shot is SKILL. 
He didn’t laugh. 

~Name changed to be more appropriate this his given name.

* Bear, like my mother, has a very defined set of taste buds.  He does not like to deviate from the normal.  (And he wonders why I can’t get The Tyrant to eat another other than tacos…)  I told him that I was going to take The Mother Hen out for some mediterranean food.

Bear: You hate peas!

WickedStepMom: Chickpeas are different!

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that stay home and watch chick flicks with Hugh Grant in them.

WickedStepMom: They taste different…

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that “WANT TO BE HELD!”

(Can you see why I love him?  He is seriously awesome and can always make me laugh.)

* The Mother Hen has a new boyfriend.  He is an okay guy.  The Show and The Tyrant like him, which is saying a lot.  But, I just can’t seem to let my guard down.  I think it is because I have seen boys make The Mother Hen cry.  Stupid, stinky boys…

*The Tyrant looked at me this weekend, with daggers in her eyes.  I wouldn’t let her have a new toy at the store (partly because I had already bought her stuff and partly because there has to be something under the tree).  She stomped her foot and said, “Mommy is nicer than you.”  I grinned, “She is also taller.”  She just blinked at me.

* The Show is really excited about cheerleading.  In order to make the varsity team, she needs to learn to do a back walk over.  I have no idea how to do this, so I suggested she look up how to do it on YouTube.  This was a bad, bad suggestion…

Sibling Gift Shopping

Posted On December 14, 2009

Filed under bonding time, family, parenting, The Tribe

Comments Dropped one response

Every year, the girls are charged with buying for each other.  They start asking if they can go shopping right around  Thanksgiving.  So, this past weekend, we went out shopping.  My mom came along for the first time with us and had a great time.  There is nothing like watching the three of them diving between isles, and hiding from each other. 

All in all, it was a successful trip.  My mom, the ultimate Christmas Ninja, helped me to hid presents from the girls.  She use to be able to buy stuff for me while I was with her without me ever knowing.  I am just a ninja apprentice.  I am just learning how to hid stuff from them, while they are there.  One day, I hope to be as good of a ninja as her.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: My head hurts


It’s Tuesday again.  People make my head hurt, with their stupidity.  Go see Keely who only makes people’s heads hurt with large hammers and ice picks.

* The other day, I was returning bottles at the grocery store.  (I don’t think this is something that they do in all states, but here we pay a 10 cent deposit on bottles and can,  and get it back when we return them.)  There was a lady standing by the entrance handing out flyers.  Several people took the flyers and then threw them on the ground.  After watching this several times, curiosity got the better of me. So, I looked at the flyer.  It was a Goodfellows reminder notice that their food drive ends this week…

* Bell ringers are out in force.  Every time we see one, we always give the girls some change to add to the bucket.  It is not much, but it is something that we always do.  One little boy watched my girls dropping money into the bucket.  He looked at his mom and said “Can I have some change too?” The mom said, “No, I am not giving money to those people so that they can waste it on drunks.”

* Sunday night, I had the worst migraine that I have had in a long time.  I asked Bear to shoot me.  He wouldn’t.  I am not sure if I am angry with him over that or not…

* After reading this, I wanted Oreos.  I know, I am sick.

* Two days in a row, I found popcorn in our basement all over the floor.  On the second day, I came unglued.  The Tyrant looked at me with her eyes really wide, “I was not even in the basement.”  I nodded to her and said, “I know, honey.”  She nodded and then gasped, “Ut oh…  They made you mad.  What were they thinking?!  You save us from Daddy’s punishments.  Who is going to save them from yours?”

* This coming weekend, we are going to make holiday cookies.  My mother is going to be joining us for the first time.  I think I am going to get her a poncho.  Bear has already threated the put out tarps.

* We got a new tree this year.  It is white, which is very different for us.  It is also 6.5 feet tall.  Our last one topped out at 3 feet.  The Tyrant had to be lifed up so she could reach the top.

* Speaking of the tree trimming.  We have ornaments with pictures of each kid from every year that we have been a Tribe.  Bear handed The Tyrant her picture ornaments and said, “Put yourself on the tree.”  She grins a wicked little grin and wraps her arms around the tree, “Okay, Daddy, I am on the tree.”

It’s Official

The scene is the dinner table.  The Tribe is playing a conversation starting game.

The Tyrant: “What’s your favorite song and why?”

The Mother Hen: I bet it’s by Hinder.

The Show: Lips of an Angel!

The Tyrant:  No, it’s Get Stoned.

We are bad parents…  Our 8 year old’s favorite band, is Hinder.

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