Random Tuesday Thoughts: Gnome Eggs

Posted On December 29, 2009

Filed under Bear, life, rant, The Mother Hen

Comments Dropped 6 responses

Go see Keely, who has managed to write an entire RTT post without the mention of gnomes. Because she is creative and funny, unlike me. Don’t worry, I will still love you if you think she is funnier than I am.

* My parents got the Tribe a Wii and the Wii Fit.  The Wii fit has been used by Bear, The Mother Hen and I quite frequently lately.  My calves absolutely hate me for it.  This game has only reinforced what I already know about my self.  I have no rthyme and no balance.  Watching me try to work out to the Basic Step routine has provided hours of entertainment for everyone in our house. 

* A spider was hanging out in my shower the other morning.  Now, I am not normally an “EWW BUG!!” kind of girl.  But this spider really stared to bug me.  I can only assume it was because the spider was able to see me naked and I know that I am horribly out shape (see calve comment above…)   I felt like that spider was judging me.  I wanted to scream, “Hey pal, I know we can’t all be 3 ounces!”  That makes me a little crazy, doesn’t it…

* The Gnome that has taken up residence in my sinuses, has decided to lay eggs.  All of my sinuses are effected now, instead of just the right side.  I look like I have two black eyes.  It will be another month before I can see a sinus specialist, so you are stuck listening to me whine until then…  Hopefully, there will be no surgery involved.

* The day after Christmas, I was looking at our tree.  It is a white tree decorated with blue ornaments.  It has stars, stockings, icicles and various globes that came from a multipack.  We have had these for about three years.  But the day after Christmas, I noticed for the first time that the stars are all Stars of David.  Now, I am wondering if I should send my Stars to the Keeper Family for their tree.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, the Gnome is still in my sinuses


I think I need to seriously consider hiring a gnome exterminator. Maybe Keely will know of a good one. I mean, she does fight those mice so well. 


* I get so tired of people who don’t really give a damn asking me if I am feeling okay.  “My eyes are swollen, my nose is backed up and I am coughing up a lung..  I feel great, thanks for asking!”  I know you are only asking because you don’t want to catch anything, but I assure you, this nose issue is all mine…  And no you will not catch it by talking to me from across the room, jerk! 

* I should tell you all that I have been informed by the proper authorities that this holiday season is not about peace on Earth and happiness.  It is about Nintendo DSs.  And those words have been uttered so many times in my house, I want to threaten that if they don’t play with their DSs 24×7 that they will be grounded from everything else.  Including dinner…  Not that I won’t feed them, just they will have to eat at a different table so that I don’t have to hear Nintendo DS anymore!  (Sorry, got a little ranty there.) 

* The Mother Hen and I can bond just about anytime over anything.  Yesterday, I found out that if you bond with your teenaged daughter by making disparaging comments about stars of reality TV, you are going directly to Hades.  ::sigh::  At least we will be in good company. 

* Did you know it is possible to get a kid to disolve into tears by playing Christmas Carols on the radio?…  Neither did I.

* I was listening to the radio the other day, they were listing off some major events of the last few decades…  Here is what they listed.

– Celebriy deaths

– Tiger Woods’ scandal

– Octomom

And I thought to myself…  REALLY?  What about 9-11, the first non-white president, wars, same-sex marriage, the list goes on…  But the most important things revolve around celebrities.  What is our world coming to?

Only in our house…

The Mother Hen: [WickedStepMom] you have to decorate cookies with us.  You can’t leave that plate sitting over there with a bunch of naked cookies!

WickedStepMom: I made the cookies for your guys to decorate…

The Show: Yeah, but now, there are four plates, and we can’t have a plate of nudist cookies.  It’s just not right!  My entire holiday will be ruined because you have left the cookies naked!

The Tyrant:  Yeah, I mean, you will get our cookies arrested and they will have to spend the night in cookie jail.  I don’t want to eat jail-bird cookies!

Nudist Cookies

Nudist Cookies

The Tyrant than hurried to get the cookies dressed…

Dressed Cookies

Random Tuesday Thoughts: G’Home Gnome

Its Tuesday.  It’s not So Random. It’s time for me to get some new jokes. Go see Keely…  she is a comedic genius, and I am just a student.

* The Gnome that has moved into my sinuses has gotten very comfy in there.   He just won’t leave.  Maybe the ENT doc will find a way to get him out.  If not, I think it will turn into nuclear warfare… and that just won’t be good for society as a whole.  I mean, who wants nuclear winter over my sinuses?…  Yeah, I didn’t think that you did.  So, you’re welcome.  But if this goes on too much longer, it is on, Mr. Gnome!

* Bear e-mailed me this morning.  This is what he wrote:

[Bear’s REALLY Annoying Co-Worker]~ said I was too “chipper” this morning and suggested that “If I didn’t know better, you got lucky!”  I said luck had nothing to do with it…killing two homeless people with one shot is SKILL. 
He didn’t laugh. 

~Name changed to be more appropriate this his given name.

* Bear, like my mother, has a very defined set of taste buds.  He does not like to deviate from the normal.  (And he wonders why I can’t get The Tyrant to eat another other than tacos…)  I told him that I was going to take The Mother Hen out for some mediterranean food.

Bear: You hate peas!

WickedStepMom: Chickpeas are different!

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that stay home and watch chick flicks with Hugh Grant in them.

WickedStepMom: They taste different…

Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that “WANT TO BE HELD!”

(Can you see why I love him?  He is seriously awesome and can always make me laugh.)

* The Mother Hen has a new boyfriend.  He is an okay guy.  The Show and The Tyrant like him, which is saying a lot.  But, I just can’t seem to let my guard down.  I think it is because I have seen boys make The Mother Hen cry.  Stupid, stinky boys…

*The Tyrant looked at me this weekend, with daggers in her eyes.  I wouldn’t let her have a new toy at the store (partly because I had already bought her stuff and partly because there has to be something under the tree).  She stomped her foot and said, “Mommy is nicer than you.”  I grinned, “She is also taller.”  She just blinked at me.

* The Show is really excited about cheerleading.  In order to make the varsity team, she needs to learn to do a back walk over.  I have no idea how to do this, so I suggested she look up how to do it on YouTube.  This was a bad, bad suggestion…

Parenting Blunder # ??

Okay, so I have lost count of the number of parenting mistakes I have made.  But, this is a pretty good one.  At least, it is an amusing one.

The Setup:

Friday night – I found fruit snack wrappers, empty juice boxes and various other food related trash all over the living room. 

Saturday morning – I found pop corn in the basement, left in a bowl on the floor.  I told The Show she could not have food in the basement anymore.

Saturday afternoon – I found popsicle wrappers and fruit snack wrappers on the floor in the living room. I told The Tyrant no more fruit snacks or popsicles in the living room.

The Crime:

Sunday morning – I found popcorn all over the floor and wrapped up in The Show’s blanket, in the basement.

I shouted, “The Show, get down here and clean up your mess now!”

The Show cames downstairs and said something like, “But, but but..”  I used my firm, you are in trouble voice, “I thought I told you no more popcorn in the basement!  I trusted you not to do it.  And you went behind my back”

The Show burst into tears.  “WickedStepMom, I swear after you told me no food in the basement I didn’t have any.  I know that is my blanket but The Mother Hen was down here last night, not me.”

She was right.  She didn’t have food down there and she was only down there for a few minutes.  I am such a jerk…

Random Tuesday Thoughts: My head hurts


It’s Tuesday again.  People make my head hurt, with their stupidity.  Go see Keely who only makes people’s heads hurt with large hammers and ice picks.

* The other day, I was returning bottles at the grocery store.  (I don’t think this is something that they do in all states, but here we pay a 10 cent deposit on bottles and can,  and get it back when we return them.)  There was a lady standing by the entrance handing out flyers.  Several people took the flyers and then threw them on the ground.  After watching this several times, curiosity got the better of me. So, I looked at the flyer.  It was a Goodfellows reminder notice that their food drive ends this week…

* Bell ringers are out in force.  Every time we see one, we always give the girls some change to add to the bucket.  It is not much, but it is something that we always do.  One little boy watched my girls dropping money into the bucket.  He looked at his mom and said “Can I have some change too?” The mom said, “No, I am not giving money to those people so that they can waste it on drunks.”

* Sunday night, I had the worst migraine that I have had in a long time.  I asked Bear to shoot me.  He wouldn’t.  I am not sure if I am angry with him over that or not…

* After reading this, I wanted Oreos.  I know, I am sick.

* Two days in a row, I found popcorn in our basement all over the floor.  On the second day, I came unglued.  The Tyrant looked at me with her eyes really wide, “I was not even in the basement.”  I nodded to her and said, “I know, honey.”  She nodded and then gasped, “Ut oh…  They made you mad.  What were they thinking?!  You save us from Daddy’s punishments.  Who is going to save them from yours?”

* This coming weekend, we are going to make holiday cookies.  My mother is going to be joining us for the first time.  I think I am going to get her a poncho.  Bear has already threated the put out tarps.

* We got a new tree this year.  It is white, which is very different for us.  It is also 6.5 feet tall.  Our last one topped out at 3 feet.  The Tyrant had to be lifed up so she could reach the top.

* Speaking of the tree trimming.  We have ornaments with pictures of each kid from every year that we have been a Tribe.  Bear handed The Tyrant her picture ornaments and said, “Put yourself on the tree.”  She grins a wicked little grin and wraps her arms around the tree, “Okay, Daddy, I am on the tree.”

Not quite whole

Dear Friends and Family,

This year has been filled with a lot of ups and downs.  As you know, The Mother Hen came to live with Bear and I full time.  The Show and The Tyrant still spend 5 days a week with thier mother.  Monday through Friday, it feels like we are not quite whole.  On Friday night, while we are munching on pizza, the world is right again.

All three girls have been doing well in school.  There are some things that they are great at and some things that don’t come easily to them.  But, we are proud of them because they never quite and they work hard at whatever challenges them.  In the past year, it has been The Tyrant who has grown a lot.  She has gained about 6 inches in height.  It is hard to keep her in pants that don’t look like capris.  The Show has joined side line cheerleading for the basketball season.  So far, she seems to really enjoy it.  I think it is all the years of gymnastics that are helping her to shine.  The Mother Hen is still our song bird.  She is very involved in choir and is getting ready for two upcoming concerts. 

Bear and I haven’t changed much.  We are still both working with computers.  We are both healthy and happy.  Moving in together this year has brought a lot of changes for both of us but we are adapting to it well.  The Tribe as a whole is better for it.  We are all eating healthier this year.  We have made it a point to have a lot of fresh fruits and veggies around the house.  It is amazing that we all will go for the fresh fruit before the junk food.

I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy this year!


Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Non-mopey version

I originally wrote this post all mopey and sad.  I was going to write about how we missed the younger two girls.  But, then I remember that is not what we do here at LifeandTimesofaWickedStepMom.  We can be funny, sad, sappy, happy, silly and mean, but never mopey.  So I trashed it.  Your welcome.

* From the back seat, while on the road we here a shout:

The Mother Hen: “DAD!! HELP!!”

Bear: “What’s wrong?!?!”

The Mother Hen: “There is too much room back here.  It feels all empty!”

* For Thanksgiving dinner, we had two different turkeys, prime rib (none for me!), shrimp and scallop kabobs, and the usual fixings.  We had about 1 and a half turkeys left over.  Two different dogs at two different times got into each turkey and ate them.  We knew which ones did it because they had stomach aches for three days.

* Bear’s niece has a set of newborn twins (a boy and a girl).  We got to meet them over the holiday.  While I held them for the first time, I said “We will be just fine, little dudes, as long as you don’t puke on me.”  They stuck thier tongues out at me.  Stinkin’ babies!

* I have yet another sinus infection.  I think I am going to construct a germ free bubble to make it through the rest of the season.  Keep your germs to yourselves and stay out of my bubble.

* Last night, Bear made grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup.  Got to love a man who can make a grilled cheese that is crisped to prefection.  Especially, if he brings it to you on the couch on a try so that you don’t have to move.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Cough, Hack

It’s that time again.  Go see Keely and grab a badge.  Don’t grab mine though.. because I like it and I am not sharing!!

* Last week was parent teacher conferences.  The Mother Hen has a teacher that is highly afraid of germs.  He even wears latex gloves in class so that he does not have to touch his “diseased” students assignments.  Right before I shook his hand, I coughed into my sleeve.  The Mother Hen asked me to do it, but the coughing was actually an accident.  (Asthma strikes again…)  He shook my hand anyway.  The Mother Hen was furious.

* The Show and The Tyrant are staying with their mother this Thanksgiving.  We are still going to head up to Bear’s parents with The Mother Hen.  But, the trip just won’t be the same without someone screaming “She’s touching me!!”  The truth is that they will be dearly missed and we hope they have a wonderful time.

* Bear is making gift giving very difficult this year.  He has been buying presents early and then giving the gifts to them.  He seriously can’t hold on to the gifts for more than a day.  So, I hope the girls like empty boxes of the stuff that they ALREADY opened under the tree.  ::grumble:: I am so hiding presents at someone else’s house.

* To those of you who are on my short list of people who are making me very angry lately, I say this: I have never screwed anyone over who didn’t absolutely beg me to do it.  Stop begging.

* Stay tuned..  my list of things that I am not thankful for are tomorrow.  And Thursday are the things I am truly thankful for.  Enjoy!

Slinging Cookies!

Posted On November 19, 2009

Filed under Bear, family, parenting, The Mother Hen

Comments Dropped 3 responses

Last night, I took the Mother Hen with me to sort out cookie dough for the fundraiser for her choir.  I was bouncing around and hustling to get everything done because we were under time pressure.  None of the other moms could keep up with me.

Half way through the night, The Mother Hen stops trying to keep up with me.  “Never helping you again!”  she huffs and puffs.  Finally she sits down and takes a few minutes to catch her breath.  I continue doing my thing, running and jumping around to get things done.  The Mother Hen looks at me, “How are you still running around? I hate you!  I am making Dad come next time!”

All of that exercising has finally paid off…

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